personal converations

The Social Part of Business Networking

I am continually struck by the interaction of business and personal conversations in the process of business networking.  Traditionally at business mixers, people look at your name tag and ask, “What do you do?”  You then answer, hopefully in a clear and succinct manner, and ask them a similar question.  This type of discussion, though it might yield insights into the business side of a person,  does nothing to develop or deepen the personal relationship which is so essential to success in networking.  It has been demonstrated that people are somewhat “wired” to falling somewhere on the continuum of a purely business orientation to  a purely personal/relational one.  We could just as well ask “Tell me about yourself, your interests, and your passions” or “Let’s get to know each other” but some business settings don’t seem to encourage that type of interaction.

Ideally, we find a comfortable blend of personal discussions  to enhance the business relationship.  We might ask where a person was born, where they went to school, what their hobbies are, or if they have any animals.  I have noticed that there is often an almost unconscious drifting to more personal conversations.  A purely business discussion does nothing to develop the rapport necessary for building a strong personal relationship.  For these reasons, it is beneficial to include social activities (mixers, socials, sports tournaments, outings) in the mix of your networking activities.  Learn about others and what they do outside of work.  Pay attention to these conversations, and build upon them in future discussions.

Sometimes it is necessary to build some kind of personal connection in order to derive any business benefit such as referrals or introductions.  People have to get to know you, like you, and trust you before they are willing to share trusted contacts.  If you focus solely on business conversations, you are missing the opportunity to build meaningful and enjoyable relationships, and the possibility to exchange business referrals.  This does not mean that every discussion has to be deeply personal.  However, it is important to be open to personal conversations.  Be interested in others, and you will develop friendships as well as business connections.

Blending Personal and Business Conversations

When all is said and done, effective networking is a blend of personal and business conversations which lead to introductions, referrals, and business transactions. It is also a blend of face-to-face contacts and social media. Though our goal may be to get business, that won’t happen with purely business conversations. In order to make a connection, it is useful to share something personal about yourself and be open to the sharing of others. This humanizes us, and prevents us from being commoditized. The personal sharing can be about hobbies, city of origin, schools, children, pets, or travel. I have found that if a conversation is purely about business, it is difficult to truly connect with another person. I recently had a coffee meeting with someone. I wore my UCLA sweatshirt, and she immediately smiled and indicated that she also attended UCLA. I invited her to a Bruin Professionals meeting, and we have since expanded our business relationship. In order to establish rapport it is critical to have human component beyond business conversation. It doesn’t matter so much what it is about, as long as it has a personal element. Once a personal connection has been established, you can build on it in future conversations. The point here is to refrain from purely business conversations. Don’t be in a hurry to discuss business, especially when the other person wants to share something of a personal nature and get to know you better. With social media, platforms like Facebook can allow us to share personal things that may lead to the deepening of rapport with others. Pay attention to social cues so you can build better and stronger relationships.