nonverbal

NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

What we say is important. What we do may be more important. Our many forms of nonverbal communication have a powerful effect on how people perceive us. Nonverbal communication accounts for a significant percentage of human communication. Our posture, facial expressions, hand and arm gestures, the clothes we wear, the car we drive, and the tonality we use (how we say things) may be more important than what we actually say.

A smile (or frown) is significant in how people receive us. Eye contact is also a major contributor to our communication package. When you approach someone, the way you move can have an impact on how you are perceived and received. Nonverbal communication also encompasses the study of proxemics, or body space. How close do we get to someone when we are talking to them? Where do we sit? How long do we hold someone’s hand when we shake hands? Do we touch people? Do we hug members of the opposite sex (or same sex)? Personal distance refers to the actual distance that we feel comfortable next to someone. We probably want to be very close physically to people we love and are intimate with, but not necessarily with business associates whom we are meeting for the first time. We probably wouldn’t sit right next to someone we don’t know in a restaurant booth. But we might do so with a date who we really like and to whom we are attracted . In networking situations, it is useful to understand how comfortable others are with our proximity to them. For example, if we move closer to a person and they keep retreating, they are likely uncomfortable with our proximity to them.
Sometimes when we describe our experience with others, we talk about exactly what is said. But just as often we might notice and remark upon a feeling or sense about another person. The way they moved, how they said something (tonality), the way they looked at us, a good feeling, a bad feeling all had some effect on us. These are all part of the very important area of nonverbal communication. There are times when the effects of these nonverbal factors are more powerful than the actual words being spoken. For example, someone’s very formal (or informal) attire might influence the way we react to them. The consequences might be positive or negative depending on the setting or situation.
Do others face you and lean forward as you speak? Are they shaking your hand and looking over your shoulder to find the person they really want to meet? Do people roll their eyes when you complain about things? Do they nod their head in agreement when you make a controversial statement? Are they looking at a clock or their watch while you are speaking? The primary importance of these various examples in networking relate to attentiveness and interest. The ideal scenario is to communicate non-verbally that we are fully attentive and engaged with the person to whom we are speaking and not preoccupied with something else.
We communicate with our body language, facial expressions, and in many other nonverbal ways. Observe others carefully in addition to listening to them, to determine if their words match their nonverbal communication.
There is another interesting aspect of nonverbal communication referred to as objectics. This refers to attire, jewelry, body piercing, tattoos, and colognes or perfumes. They are all part of how we present ourselves. We don’t expect an investment banker to have a Bugs Bunny tattoo on his neck. Nor would we expect a rock musician to wear a conservative business suit for a performance. A Sunday school teacher probably wouldn’t show any cleavage, but a Hollywood starlet might. One time I went to a meeting at the offices of MTV wearing a coat and tie. My host leaned over to me and said, “Take off the tie here. We are less formal.”
Pay increased attention to how people move, their facial expressions, what they wear and especially how they say things. You will learn to read people better and increase your chances for fulfilling relationships and business success. A focus on nonverbal communication will teach you a lot about the hidden sides, values and agendas of people.
For example, people at networking mixers will often form a circle when speaking to one another (say in a group of four people). Sometimes that circle is very tight and closed to any possible newcomers. This group is communicating nonverbally that they are a closed group (“four’s company, anyone else is a crowd”). Others might establish eye contact with someone seeking to enter that circle, and widen the circle to include the fifth (“the more the merrier”). In both cases, nonverbal communication influenced behavior. People who know each other very well might greet each other with a hug but they only shake hands with people whom they are meeting for the first time.
A great example of nonverbal communication was in the 2008 United States presidential election. President Barack Obama consistently displayed calmness and confidence, even under pressure. Conversely, John McCain often came across as angry, wooden and cranky. There is no question that much of Obama’s nonverbal behavior won over the American voters, while McCain’s raised doubts about his suitability to lead. Simply stated, Obama appeared more presidential than McCain.