but the personal relationship carried more meaning. She told me that I was the only commercial mover she would recommend. This level of loyalty was gained through a long-term

The Social Side of Business Networking

Imagine a conversation at a networking mixer, amidst a very noisy room.  A woman asks a man, “What do you do for fun?”  He doesn’t hear the “for fun” part and begins to describe his business to her.  She laughs, and says “That’s what you do for fun?  Sounds like work to me.”  Puzzled, he asks what she means.  When we encounter people at mixers and networking events, we often emphasize the business aspects of our lives.  While this is normal and expected, it is really the social side of business networking where we forge deeper relationships and get to know others’ real personal interests and passions.  I have noticed that conversations usually start with the cliched, “And what do you do?” which leads to purely business conversations.  These often have no real impact and can be easily forgotten.

If you want to build substantial relationships with others, it is imperative to incorporate a personal dimension.  What do we have in common with others outside of business?  It could be where we live, hobbies, personal interests, the books we are reading, our children or grandchildren, caring for aging parents, or travel.  It could really be anything, but it must be a non-business conversation.  People want to get to know you as a person, not as a personal injury attorney or executive coach.

Social mixers offer a great opportunity for having personal conversations.  The venue, the food, and yes, the drinks can loosen us up so we are more apt to share what is going on in our lives.  It is highly unlikely that you will establish an enduring relationship if you stay on a strictly business path.  By sharing something personal about yourself, you allow others to connect with you in a more meaningful way.

How do we accomplish this?  It is really quite simple.  Ask open-ended questions about topics you are interested about, such as where they grew up, where they went to school, their hobbies, travel, or sports.  If they indicate an interest, you could talk about books, movie, music or food.  The important thing is to be genuinely interested and an attentive listener.  Try to remember what they say, so that you can develop the relationship in subsequent encounters.  By doing this, you are not avoiding business topics, but rather you are building a solid personal relationship as a foundation on which to develop a business relationship.

As you meet new people, the key is have a balance between personal and business conversations.  Pay attention to what others want to talk about, and if you know something about the topics they bring up, respond appropriately.  Try not to be argumentative, especially in a business setting.  The more people like you, based on personal topics, the more likely they will be to expand your business relationship.

Doing Business with People You Like

I was running some appointments in Century City today, and I paid a visit to a building manager named Robin Ward. I wanted to take her a bottle of wine as a Christmas gift and a signed copy of my book. I met Robin around twenty years ago and we have developed not only a solid business relationship, but also a friendship. She is a bright spot when I am walking between appointments in Century City. When I gave her a copy of the book, I told her that I used her as an example of effective and meaningful networking. We established the business relationship, but the personal relationship carried more meaning. She told me that I was the only commercial mover she would recommend. This level of loyalty was gained through a long-term, consistent series of contacts: some e-mail, some phone, and many in person. Nothing substitutes for face-to-face contact. Robin has become not only a phenomenal referral source, but also a fervent supporter of my writing and teaching endeavors. I also know about her painting hobby and encourage that activity. As I walked away from her office, I felt exhilarated and satisfied. This is what business and work should be about, doing business with people you like.