business networking

Monologues vs. Dialogues: “Elevator Speeches” are Grossly Overemphasized

In networking circles, there has been a big emphasis on “elevator speeches”, wherein a person summarizes their business in a 30-60 second pitch.  These monologues have been grossly overemphasized, and tend to promote the monologue over  dialogue.  In the networking groups that I moderate, I try to establish more of a dialogue among group members, rather than merely having everyone go around the room and introduce themselves via the elevator speech.  There are several reasons I do this:

• people are unlikely to remember what everyone says and does
• merely going around the room tends to be boring
• introverts and weak public speakers are at a distinct disadvantage
• many people are not very good at succinctly describing what they do
• a dialogue allows for elaboration and clarification

By having more of a dialogue, people are able to interact with one another and probe into areas that might have been previously unclear.  I ask members questions, encourage them to differentiate themselves from others who do similar things, and indicate what makes them unique.  For example, there are many financial advisors, but several key factors that might differentiate one from another.  Are they fee based, do they sell products, what are their minimums, and how do they work with their clients?  By having a dialogue, people are better able to provide a clear and useful picture of exactly what kind of business they are seeking (inbound referrals) and what kinds of resources their clients are looking for (outbound referrals).

The traditional elevator speech has minimal value when compared to dialogues, give and take, clarifying questions and WINK (who I need to know) spotlights, where a person has more time to convey the true nature of their business and the types of professionals they are trying to meet.  Referrals and introductions are at the heart of business networking.  In order to increase the flow of commerce, networking groups need to minimize elevator speeches and have other activities that allow a freer expression of information.

Politics, Opinions, and Neutrality in Networking

Should we share our political and social opinions with others in the process of business networking?  Do we openly espouse our positions or present a neutral or vague opinion?  Personally, I keep most of my deeply held political and social positions to myself, primarily so I can deal with a wide variety of people without polarizing them.  The question is not whether we have such opinions, but whether we want others to know about them in a business setting.  One school of thought is that we should stand up for what we believe about politics, religion, rearing of children, race, abortion, or the legalization of marijuana.  The counter position is that we need to keep such opinions out of business conversations because they are polarizing.

I have been in sales for almost thirty years, and during that time have dealt with people of every conceivable political, religious, and social opinion.  Though some might have discerned my leanings, I have been very careful not to reveal too much about my deeply held values.  It is not relevant to the business we are conducting.  Why present something that could negatively taint the business conversation?  There is another side to this issue, and that is the possibility of establishing a higher level of rapport when we do share opinions with others.  So if we are a Democrat and find out the other person is also a Democrat, there could be some value in talking politics is we are fairly certain there is a common ground.  This is analogous to finding out that someone attended the same school as you.  I went to UCLA, so when I find out someone else went to UCLA I might make a comment about our common alma mater.  When I find out someone went to USC, I usually don’t make a comment about it.  I am not interested in debating which school is better, and it could lead to bad feelings.  Besides, because I do business in Los Angeles, I am perfectly happy having positive relationships with both Bruins and Trojans.  I have nothing to gain by getting into an argument with my Trojan friends.

It is quite possible to get to know people well without delving into political discussions and debates.  There is a time and place for such discussions.  Some people will say they don’t care what your opinions are, but there could be a negative effect from knowing too much about another’s opinions.  You have the right to share or not share your opinions if asked.  What is your position and opinion on this topic?  There is of course no obligation to share your opinion, but you can do so if you choose.

The Social Side of Business Networking

Imagine a conversation at a networking mixer, amidst a very noisy room.  A woman asks a man, “What do you do for fun?”  He doesn’t hear the “for fun” part and begins to describe his business to her.  She laughs, and says “That’s what you do for fun?  Sounds like work to me.”  Puzzled, he asks what she means.  When we encounter people at mixers and networking events, we often emphasize the business aspects of our lives.  While this is normal and expected, it is really the social side of business networking where we forge deeper relationships and get to know others’ real personal interests and passions.  I have noticed that conversations usually start with the cliched, “And what do you do?” which leads to purely business conversations.  These often have no real impact and can be easily forgotten.

If you want to build substantial relationships with others, it is imperative to incorporate a personal dimension.  What do we have in common with others outside of business?  It could be where we live, hobbies, personal interests, the books we are reading, our children or grandchildren, caring for aging parents, or travel.  It could really be anything, but it must be a non-business conversation.  People want to get to know you as a person, not as a personal injury attorney or executive coach.

Social mixers offer a great opportunity for having personal conversations.  The venue, the food, and yes, the drinks can loosen us up so we are more apt to share what is going on in our lives.  It is highly unlikely that you will establish an enduring relationship if you stay on a strictly business path.  By sharing something personal about yourself, you allow others to connect with you in a more meaningful way.

How do we accomplish this?  It is really quite simple.  Ask open-ended questions about topics you are interested about, such as where they grew up, where they went to school, their hobbies, travel, or sports.  If they indicate an interest, you could talk about books, movie, music or food.  The important thing is to be genuinely interested and an attentive listener.  Try to remember what they say, so that you can develop the relationship in subsequent encounters.  By doing this, you are not avoiding business topics, but rather you are building a solid personal relationship as a foundation on which to develop a business relationship.

As you meet new people, the key is have a balance between personal and business conversations.  Pay attention to what others want to talk about, and if you know something about the topics they bring up, respond appropriately.  Try not to be argumentative, especially in a business setting.  The more people like you, based on personal topics, the more likely they will be to expand your business relationship.

Raise Your Profile in Networking

There are many ways to derive benefits from business and personal networking.  One of the best is to raise your profile within every group in which you are a member.  Assuming leadership positions are the most obvious way to raise your profile.  Sometimes that takes time, but often such positions become available not long after you join a group.  In addition to being the president or moderator of a group, you can also volunteer for committees and committee chairs.  There are often opportunities which require skills that you already possess.   There is work involved, but often that work allows you to demonstrate your work ethic, dependability, organizational skills and other forms of competence.  By assuming leadership positions and other forms of involvement, you are perceived as a nexus in a given group and get to make decisions about the direction of the group.  Others will notice your skills and make positive assumptions about how that applies to your work in other situations.

There are other ways to raise your profile, especially related to social media.  A judicious use of such social media tools as blogging, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and You Tube can give you a perceived expert status.  Since I have become deeply involved in the various forms of social media, many people have approached me at events and commented on my various postings.  In utilizing social media, it is vital to make valuable contributions, and not merely to post updates about watering the lawn.  In addition to your status updates and regular blog posts, you should engage in online dialogues with your connections, friends, and people in your various LinkedIn groups.  Posting a profile and adding connections are only the first steps.   Follow up and offer your knowledge, insights, experiences and insights.  The more that others see your name, the higher your profile, and the more likely you will be perceived as an expert and someone worthy of a referral or introduction.

The more you do, both in person as a member of a group or online will increase others’ awareness of you.  As your profile increases, so will your success.  Perception is reality, and if you act like a leader you will be treated like one.  When opportunities arise, seize them enthusiastically and carry them out to the best of your ability.  Show up regularly and step up to the various challenges that are put before you.  If you take the time to join a group, you may as well maximize your involvement.  The same is true of social media.  There are many opportunities to go beyond the status quo.  If you want to have a business with endless referrals and constant introduction, it is up to you.

Holistic Networking: A Way of Life

There is much and sometimes contentious discussion these days about the best ways to network effectively.  On one side are the “old school” traditionalists, who eschew social media and believe it is always best to meet face to face.  On the other extreme are social media devotees, who are “true believers” in sites like LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.  The best method incorporates the best of both worlds, and involves face to face contact enhanced by the use of social media sites.  I refer to this as Holistic Networking.  In this approach, networking becomes a way of life that is infused in both in person and online activities.

It is not “either-or” but both methods utilized together that yield the best results.  I often hear professionals lament their lack of time and unwillingness to attend so many networking events or to use social media.  “I should guest more”, “Did you get any business from LinkedIn” and other comments betray a reluctance to embrace either approach fully.  It is perfectly acceptable to use one method more frequently or enthusiastically than the other.  You don’t need to attend networking events every week or join numerous social networking sites or groups.  The important thing is to realize the value of both approaches and their interaction.  One supports the other.  For example, you might meet someone at an event, become a connection on LinkedIn and Plaxo, and develop business based more on one approach than the other.

To be an effective networker, you must used a varied approach.  Success is really a combination of what you know, who you know and who knows you.  Given the global marketing strategy of some businesses, social media allows you to do things that in person networking does not.  Conversely, there is a limit in how deep your communication can go online.   You can’t shake someone’s hand or see their smile online  You need to show up, and show up regularly.  Be open minded but don’t overdo one channel at the expense of the other.  Network on a consistent basis, follow through and chart the effectiveness of the various strategies.

Connecting: Beyond the Name Tag – Available Fall 2009

My new book CONNECTING: BEYOND THE NAME TAG will be available Fall 2009, published by Believe Publishing.  This book provides numerous effective networking strategies and emphasizes cross networking of face to face and social media.