Uncategorized

Building Your Network Wide and Deep

As you expand your personal and business network, you will inevitably decide whether you are more interested in casting a wide net or building in-depth relationships with fewer people.  The two strategies are not mutually exclusive.  In fact, I suggest that you do both simultaneously.  Social media allows us to literally build a world-wide network if we choose to do so.  However, sites such as Twitter might allow us to have thousands of “followers” but we might not really know our followers at all.  At the other end of the breadth/depth continuum  lies the strategy of getting to know fewer people deeply and to have significant face-to-face contact with them.  For example, how many groups do you join and how much time do you spend on each of them?

The two approaches are complementary.  For example, many organizations have chapters.  You might belong to one chapter and attend the monthly (or weekly) meetings on a regular basis.  By only attending your home chapter, you meet a limited number of people.  If the organization allows you to attend other chapters as a guest, you can expand your network and meet many more people.  You might not get to know all of these additional contacts very well, but you can “go deeper” over time.

I recommend a kind of happy medium, wherein you get to know a certain number of people more intimately, but also continue to expand your network beyond  that.  Ultimately you have to make certain choices and make referrals and introductions to people that you know, like and trust.  Loyalty is important, and you shouldn’t let the broad network preclude sharing business contacts with people with proven records.  The decision about whether to primarily establish a deep or wide network will depend on the nature of your business and the amount of time you allot to in-person networking and social media.  What is your strategy and is it working for you?  What is your position on the breadth/depth spectrum?

Is Your Way the Right Way: Norms, Personal Values and Conformity in Networking

For many years I taught psychological subjects, including values clarification, norms and conformity.  Now that I am amidst the world of business networking, I can bring to bear those relevant topics to comment on the behavior and discussions of fellow networkers.  Many seem to believe that their way of doing things is somehow universal, when in fact it may just be some established norms among business people in a given geographic area.  Attire, punctuality, bluntness of expression, use of profanity, the telling of jokes, or even where we wear our name tags is often considered (or seems to be) the accepted model of behavior and thought.  Norms are developed in most established organizations over a period of time.  Sometimes they are specified in a Mission Statement, Code of Ethics or Rule of Behavior.  Other times they are implied.

For example, in ProVisors, a networking organization in which I am a Group Leader, meetings start at 7 a.m. and end at 9 a.m.  The 7 a.m. start never means that the actual meeting starts at 7 a.m., but that open networking begins at that time.  Few people arrive at 7 a.m. sharp, but rather they trickle in until 7:30 or later.  The  actual meeting starts sometime around 7:30-7:45.  Thus, though there are basic parameters for starting time, every group is a bit different.  The norm tends to dictate that 7 a.m. is the beginning of open networking, the meeting starts some time around 7:30 and ends close to 9 a.m.  Norms create expectations, and there is variation.  Some members habitually show up at 7 a.m. sharp, and others rarely make it before 8 a.m.  The same is true of the ending.  Some habitually leave around 8:45, and others stay until well after 9 a.m.

Another example is attire.  Some people always wear dark suits, while others seem to pride themselves in dressing very casually.  In terms of how we refer to others, some are very formal, while others make a frequent use of nicknames or diminutives.  We also vary widely in how quickly we respond (if at all) to communications by others.  The channel of communication itself is subject to wide variation and expectation.  Today it is becoming more common (and the norm) for people to send text messages, while some people continue to favor traditional telephonic communication.  For those of use who remember a time with rotary phones and no voicemail, it is interesting to see how we have evolved from pagers (almost obsolete), to car phones, to cell phones, to various forms of social media.  Where will it be in 5, 10 years?

The main point I am trying to make is that it is dangerous and misleading to assume that one way of doing anything is necessarily the best or shared by everyone.  7 a.m. as a starting time is literal to some and scorned by others.  A handshake is the general norm, but for awhile people were favoring the “fist bump” to people they felt comfortable with.    Some people are huggers, though that is not a general norm.  It is fine to conform and follow the specified rules and norms, but if everyone looks, sounds and smells the same, how will people remember you?  There is obvious value in standing out by being a bit different.  But is that way the right way?  Some people might suggest that my blog fit norms and conventions of social media, but if I did that would more people pay attention to it?

Monologues vs. Dialogues: “Elevator Speeches” are Grossly Overemphasized

In networking circles, there has been a big emphasis on “elevator speeches”, wherein a person summarizes their business in a 30-60 second pitch.  These monologues have been grossly overemphasized, and tend to promote the monologue over  dialogue.  In the networking groups that I moderate, I try to establish more of a dialogue among group members, rather than merely having everyone go around the room and introduce themselves via the elevator speech.  There are several reasons I do this:

• people are unlikely to remember what everyone says and does
• merely going around the room tends to be boring
• introverts and weak public speakers are at a distinct disadvantage
• many people are not very good at succinctly describing what they do
• a dialogue allows for elaboration and clarification

By having more of a dialogue, people are able to interact with one another and probe into areas that might have been previously unclear.  I ask members questions, encourage them to differentiate themselves from others who do similar things, and indicate what makes them unique.  For example, there are many financial advisors, but several key factors that might differentiate one from another.  Are they fee based, do they sell products, what are their minimums, and how do they work with their clients?  By having a dialogue, people are better able to provide a clear and useful picture of exactly what kind of business they are seeking (inbound referrals) and what kinds of resources their clients are looking for (outbound referrals).

The traditional elevator speech has minimal value when compared to dialogues, give and take, clarifying questions and WINK (who I need to know) spotlights, where a person has more time to convey the true nature of their business and the types of professionals they are trying to meet.  Referrals and introductions are at the heart of business networking.  In order to increase the flow of commerce, networking groups need to minimize elevator speeches and have other activities that allow a freer expression of information.

Nicknames and Formality in Business Settings

Some years ago my nephew Kiko, whose given name is Daniel, told me that he goes by Daniel in business settings because he was advised to do so in business school.  Many of us have nicknames, and some very famous people are known only as Tiger, Boomer, Whoopi, Scooter, Buzz and Woody.  Personally, my given name is William, I go by Bill, and many of my family and friends refer to me as Billy.  Some call me Doctor Bill.  I have become fascinated by how nicknames or shortened/lengthened versions of formal names are often used in informal settings.  One of my friends goes by Eddie, though his given name is Edward.  There are many examples.  I know a guy whose given name is Richard, but he goes only by Chip.    Then there is the attorney wose given name is Lawrence, he goes by Larry, and his nickname is Frisbee.  He has indicated that he will use Larry in a business setting (good decision).

In an age where “branding” has become so important, nicknames take on a new significance.  How many people know Lady Gaga’s real name, or Madonna, Prince or Bono’s given names?  Sometimes a nickname might convey a level of informality that might diminish a person’s credibility.  For example, would you have more confidence entrusting your finances to someone named J.P. Morgan or Bubba Jones?  My son, also named William, chose to stay Billy as an adult, in part to differentiate himself from me.  Billy Joel never became Bill Joel, and it really doesn’t have the same ring.  And how would the world be different in the President of the United States was referred to as Barry Obama, as he was in college?

Charles has a markedly differently ring than Chucky, and how would be feel about discussing the poetry of Bobby Frost?  We certainly don’t choose our given names (and more than we choose our family) but we can make strategic choices about how we want to be referred to in business settings.  Others might shorten or lengthen our chosen monikers in order to endear themselves to us or to build rapport.  However, we can’t assume that Harold wants to be called Hal or Conan wants to be called Carrot Top.  In show biz, commentators often create a nickname or moniker like JLo or the Divine Miss M (Bette Midler).  Additionally, people change their names for an effect or branding.  Reginald Dwight became Elton John, Bernard Schwartz became Tony Curtis and Roseanne Barr became Roseanne (and then Roseanne Barr again).

When someone I like and know well decides to call me Billy, I am not at all offended.  It puts the relationship on a different level.  If it is done by a stranger, that is a different matter.  When someone calls me on the phone, hesitates, and then asks for William Saleebey and mispronounces my last name, I know they are trying to sell me something or get a donation.  There is no uniform protocol for this issue.  I like to ask people who go by a nickname where it came from, and why they have retained it.  I jokingly refer to my friend Chip as Richard, and call Roberta Bobbie because she indicated that she likes to be called that.   My late sister Barbara came to be known in our family as Bobbi, and that nickname was certainly a term of endearment.  Do you have a nickname or keep such an intimate moniker for close friends and family?  Would Bubba Clinton or Tricky Dick Nixon have been elected if those names had been on the ballot?

Politics, Opinions, and Neutrality in Networking

Should we share our political and social opinions with others in the process of business networking?  Do we openly espouse our positions or present a neutral or vague opinion?  Personally, I keep most of my deeply held political and social positions to myself, primarily so I can deal with a wide variety of people without polarizing them.  The question is not whether we have such opinions, but whether we want others to know about them in a business setting.  One school of thought is that we should stand up for what we believe about politics, religion, rearing of children, race, abortion, or the legalization of marijuana.  The counter position is that we need to keep such opinions out of business conversations because they are polarizing.

I have been in sales for almost thirty years, and during that time have dealt with people of every conceivable political, religious, and social opinion.  Though some might have discerned my leanings, I have been very careful not to reveal too much about my deeply held values.  It is not relevant to the business we are conducting.  Why present something that could negatively taint the business conversation?  There is another side to this issue, and that is the possibility of establishing a higher level of rapport when we do share opinions with others.  So if we are a Democrat and find out the other person is also a Democrat, there could be some value in talking politics is we are fairly certain there is a common ground.  This is analogous to finding out that someone attended the same school as you.  I went to UCLA, so when I find out someone else went to UCLA I might make a comment about our common alma mater.  When I find out someone went to USC, I usually don’t make a comment about it.  I am not interested in debating which school is better, and it could lead to bad feelings.  Besides, because I do business in Los Angeles, I am perfectly happy having positive relationships with both Bruins and Trojans.  I have nothing to gain by getting into an argument with my Trojan friends.

It is quite possible to get to know people well without delving into political discussions and debates.  There is a time and place for such discussions.  Some people will say they don’t care what your opinions are, but there could be a negative effect from knowing too much about another’s opinions.  You have the right to share or not share your opinions if asked.  What is your position and opinion on this topic?  There is of course no obligation to share your opinion, but you can do so if you choose.

The Times They are a Changin’…Always

My 34 year old son Billy asked me a question the other day, in light of his impending fatherhood.  “How have things changed since I was born (in 1977)?”  The question triggered many thoughts, but most of were related to the technological advancements, many of which we take for granted.  I stated the following facts: there was no internet, no one had a cell phone, VHS technology was replacing Betamax, there was no CNN (24 hour news networks), and almost no one had a personal computer in their home.  It almost goes without saying, based on those facts, that there was no Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or texting.  If we were stuck at an arena looking for someone we were supposed to meet, we simply looked for them until we found them.

Sometimes we get lulled into the belief that certain things will always remain constant.  However, the times are ALWAYS a changin’.  Just when you get used to something, it changes.  I remember getting into sales in the early 80s, and my sales manager told me I needed to wear my pager on my hip in case the office needed to get in touch with me.  If I got “beeped” I was supposed to go to a pay phone and call the office.  Almost before I knew it, the pager became obsolete and was replaced by the mobile phone.  I began sending e-mails in the early 90s.  Just when I thought e-mails would be the preferred method of sending messages, texting became the method du jour.

In the 70s when Billy was born, we thought we were clever to compile the songs we liked on a reel-to-reel recorder.  8 tracks were replaced by a revolutionary invention called cassette tapes, which were supplanted by CDs.  Then along came ITunes and Pandora, and I can’t keep up with it all.  Just implant a chip in my brain and let me think of a song I want, and let it play.

I informed Billy about the first credit card I received in the early 70s, a Bankamericard (precursor of VISA) with a whopping credit limit of $100.  There were no debit cards or ATMs or electronic banking.  We wrote checks at the market and paid cash at the restaurant.  I took pictures with my Brownie camera and didn’t know if the picture was any good until I retrieved the pictures from the local drug store.

After our conversation, Billy was kind of in a daze, contemplating potential “play dates” for his new child, the $50,000 a year college tuition, and the operation to implant chips into their brains so they could keep up with the other kids.  I tried to explain what a slide rule was, and how we used to add things up on a piece of paper.  Of course, if I was writing this back in 1977, it would have been on my manual typewriter and I would have been correcting my mistakes on the onionskin paper with correction paper.  Then I would have driven my 1972 Chevy Corvair to McDonald’s to buy a 24 cent hamburger and 18 cent Coke.  If I asked for Diet Coke they would have looked at me funny and told me to get back into my time machine.

Vendors vs. Trusted Advisors: Are They Really Different?

I often hear some people in networking circles  disparagingly refer to people as “vendors.”  I respond that virtually everyone is selling something, whether it be legal services, financial products, accounting expertise, or relocation services.  I contend it is the person not the career category that is important in considering someone’s potential value as a networker.  Some “elite” networking groups place a high value on the legal profession, and a correspondingly low value on so-called vendors.  While this may be true in a general sense, there could well be a “vendor” who has a wide sphere of influence, and a big firm attorney with a narrow one who provides virtually no referrals, introductions, or ultimate value.

Because of my profession as a Manager of Corporate Relocations, I have often been judged as unworthy of high level networking.  However, do those who judge really know who I know and how I might be able to provide value to them as a networking partner?  Are they merely judging a book by its cover?  When I first applied to membership in a prestigious networking organization, I was rejected primarily on the basis of my profession.  I didn’t take the rejection personally, because I knew the reasons.  I was ultimately accepted, and ended up writing a book on networking and became an expert in the field of networking and social media.  In addition, I am now leading my own group.

I understand why people make judgments about others based on their perceived expertise.  However, there are notable exceptions that need to be considered.  The quality and experience of the person should be taken into account.  Stereotyping based solely on titles, professions or education can lead to faulty conclusions.  Community organizers can become world leaders if they are given a chance.  So too can lowly vendors end up giving you the referral of a lifetime.  I ask a simple question, “If the vendor who you rejected from your group contacted you with an outstanding referral, would you accept it?”  You never know where your next referral is coming from.

To Text or Call: That is the Question?

Is texting just the latest fad that will go the way of pagers (remember them), MySpace, and PDAs?  I am genuinely interested in why and how texting became such the preferred way of communicating, especially among the millennial generation, but also for other generations.  Let’s go back a number of years to say, 1983, before anyone knew what the internet was, and virtually no one had a portable phone.  Doctors and salespeople were just beginning to use pagers, then called “beepers.”  Car phones, big bulky devices, were beginning to be installed on the floor boards of cars.  If hospitals (or sales managers) wanted to get in touch with people urgently, they used the pager, and the person would go to a pay phone (remember them?)  to return that urgent page.  Answer machines were actual machines where we could hear the message of the person calling (as it was being recorded) from another room in our house.  This was before the concept of “voicemail.”  So we had pagers, car phones, and primitive answer machines.

The internet intervened in our lives in a big way in the 90s, and really not much before that.  I was so excited to get an account with American Online, and instead of using my entire last name Saleebey, which wasn’t taken, I chose wsaleeb@aol.com, which I have kept until now, much to the chagrin of my gmail counterparts.  Social media began to emerge with sites like Friendster and MySpace, but it was mostly for the younger generation.  How did we communicate with the home office?  Facsimile, or fax as it came to be known.  “Fax it to me” became the business mantra of choice.  As e-mail began to take over and become ubiquitous, more businesses asked us to “e-mail it to me.”  I remember thinking that e-mail was just a passing fad.

Many things have intervened, some of them just fads and some of them have become a part of how we live our lives.  I am currently writing a “blog post,” which didn’t exist as such just a few years ago.  I get e-mail constantly, use a laptop computer, a smart phone, and have come closer and closer to my limit of 200 text messages a month.  As a 63 year old man, I am neither a Luddite or a technology trend setter, but somewhere in between.  I actually got an IPhone because my last device wouldn’t receive text messages without a hassle.  I notice the transition from calling someone when you are running late to texting them.  I really don’t believe texting at that point is fundamentally better or even quicker.  I am a big believer in fads and trends, and that they all pass at some point.  For example, markets now have self check-out, but they often have market employees doing all of the work for you, so it’s not really self check-out at all.

There always seems to be someone on the cutting edge, or the supposed cutting edge, telling us we have to get a Betamax machine, subscribe to Home Box Office (that’s HBO in case you forgot), join Friendster, or join Netflix.  By the time I get around to some of those things, they have been replaced by something quicker, sleeker, or trendier.  I have begun to text more, but at times I feel it is just as efficient to make a phone call, especially when I want a dialogue or clarification without a lot of back and forth.  Besides, it is downright dangerous to text while driving.

My concerns center around that fact that as a society, we tend to embrace the latest technological advance, regardless of the benefits of more traditional modes of communication.  A phone call still serves a purpose, though texting may be quicker and mitigate the need to actually have a conversation with human voices.  I am not opposed to texting or anything that might come after it.  What concerns me is the blind embracing of the new technologies, without considering that a more “primitive” channel of communication might work just as well.  Some people seem to be using text messaging to prove how modern they are, regardless of the appropriateness of it.  As a baby boomer, I can observe members of my generation almost equally divided among those who embrace new technologies, and those who eschew any and all of them.  Some people are kind of caught in the middle, like when we call someone on the phone, hoping for voicemail so we don’t have to actually talk to them.  I’m certain that next year (or next month for that matter) some new form of communication will emerge as the preferred or hippest method, and many will rush to use it.  As for me, you can call me, e-mail me, send me a message through FB or LinkedIn.  I will try to check all of them every minute, so I never miss anything.  Or I might just move to a tropical island like I did in 1976 and hide from everyone for a year.

What about you?  Are you just infatuated with texting, or do you really believe that it is the most efficient way to get your message across to others?

Using LinkedIn for Fun and Profit

I was first introduced to LinkedIn several years ago by my son Billy.  He said, “You have to join LinkedIn.”  With some prompting and good old fashioned logic, he convinced me that LinkedIn was the wave of the future, a free online advertisement, and a conduit to everyone on the planet.  So I joined, and did so with gusto, amassing many connections, some of whom I knew only peripherally.  Today, 1703 connections (and counting) and 65 recommendations later, I am considered an expert on LinkedIn.  I know many, though not all, aspects of this premier business networking site.  I continue to invite people to be a connection, and accept invitations of others on a daily basis.  What then are the basics of using LinkedIn?

First of all, you must sign up.  Then you need to write a Profile as detailed and comprehensive as possible. Take the time to make sure you have included all relevant work and educational experience in your profile.  You must upload a professional picture.  This is critical.  Once you are satisfied with your profile and picture, it is time to start compiling your connections.  I recommend that you invite anyone who you know in business, friends, relatives, and significant people in your life.  My philosophy is “the more the merrier.”  The more connections you have, the more opportunity to build a truly wide social media network.  The six degrees of separation principle is in effect here.  You don’t really know who the people you know are acquainted with.  This factor can be utilized when you want to be introduced to someone who knows someone you know.

As you begin building your online network, it is useful to read about your connections so that you have more to talk to them about.  For example, if you have  meeting with someone (connection or not) you can peruse their profile and find out about their employment, educational and personal background.  This can be invaluable in your initial discussions.  It is more and more common in business for people to do online research on potential business partners.

Another key component of your LinkedIn page is Recommendations.  Ask for recommendations from people with whom you have done business.  Another useful tactic is to write a recommendation for some of your contacts.  As you gain new connections, continue to seek and give recommendations.

LinkedIn can be used to do research on people to determine their suitability.  You can also use the Search function to find people, as most business people are now on LinkedIn.  You can even find people who work at a specific company.  For example, if I want to meet an attorney at a particular firm, I can search to see if I know anyone who works at that firm.  With 1703 connections, I probably do.

You can join groups (there are hundreds of them), form groups, and have discussions and dialogues.  Ultimately, LinkedIn is about an interaction and engagement of others.  You can share your blogs (I am going to share this one), respond to others’ postings, and regularly post updates about your business activities.  It is not enough to join LinkedIn, you have to be active in it.

You will determine your level of participation in LinkedIn depending on your needs and available time.  If you are in business development or recruiting, it is an outstanding tool.  But like any tool, it is only as good as your judicious and consistent use of it.  I will be doing a number of presentations on using LinkedIn.  Stay tuned.

The Social Side of Business Networking

Imagine a conversation at a networking mixer, amidst a very noisy room.  A woman asks a man, “What do you do for fun?”  He doesn’t hear the “for fun” part and begins to describe his business to her.  She laughs, and says “That’s what you do for fun?  Sounds like work to me.”  Puzzled, he asks what she means.  When we encounter people at mixers and networking events, we often emphasize the business aspects of our lives.  While this is normal and expected, it is really the social side of business networking where we forge deeper relationships and get to know others’ real personal interests and passions.  I have noticed that conversations usually start with the cliched, “And what do you do?” which leads to purely business conversations.  These often have no real impact and can be easily forgotten.

If you want to build substantial relationships with others, it is imperative to incorporate a personal dimension.  What do we have in common with others outside of business?  It could be where we live, hobbies, personal interests, the books we are reading, our children or grandchildren, caring for aging parents, or travel.  It could really be anything, but it must be a non-business conversation.  People want to get to know you as a person, not as a personal injury attorney or executive coach.

Social mixers offer a great opportunity for having personal conversations.  The venue, the food, and yes, the drinks can loosen us up so we are more apt to share what is going on in our lives.  It is highly unlikely that you will establish an enduring relationship if you stay on a strictly business path.  By sharing something personal about yourself, you allow others to connect with you in a more meaningful way.

How do we accomplish this?  It is really quite simple.  Ask open-ended questions about topics you are interested about, such as where they grew up, where they went to school, their hobbies, travel, or sports.  If they indicate an interest, you could talk about books, movie, music or food.  The important thing is to be genuinely interested and an attentive listener.  Try to remember what they say, so that you can develop the relationship in subsequent encounters.  By doing this, you are not avoiding business topics, but rather you are building a solid personal relationship as a foundation on which to develop a business relationship.

As you meet new people, the key is have a balance between personal and business conversations.  Pay attention to what others want to talk about, and if you know something about the topics they bring up, respond appropriately.  Try not to be argumentative, especially in a business setting.  The more people like you, based on personal topics, the more likely they will be to expand your business relationship.